Hey, There’s a Bird in This Mirror!

Diversion Enthusiast Society, est. 2007

I respect the process, I respect the rules.

with 2 comments

I voted!

Extensive double-blind studies show that listening to Shake the Sheets while walking to one’s polling place improves the voting experience by 57%. It also helps one contend with the fact that it’s -3 outside and all of the sidewalks are under an inch of solid glare ice. Voting in Wisconsin is not for the faint of heart.

 


As I’m on some sort of list over at Obama’s Wisconsin HQ, I’ve received about half a dozen calls reminding me to vote for the Junior Senator.* I don’t know if this is because I gave them my contact information, because I’m a woman, or because, until recently, I was a student. This morning, a rather tired-sounding volunteer named Mike called me, reminded me to vote, and asked if I would call two people and remind them to do the same. When I told him that I had already admonished my sister and, by proxy, her girl (neither really needed admonishing), he said “Good. Now find two more people.” I’ve run through a mental list of my friends and family and, really, we’re some votin’ people. Some votin’, politickin’, arguin’ people who are going to gleefully cancel each others’ votes out today. It’s fantastic, really. I spent nearly an hour on the phone with my poor father this weekend. He seems to have acquired the power to make candidates withdraw from the race by expressing an interest in them. He probably had to conduct some sort of Black Ops-type sting operation today when approaching his polling place, so all of the ballots didn’t go blank when he walked through the door. I’m glad I knitted him that dark stocking cap for Christmas – it probably helped.

 

Since I don’t want to lie to someone who sounded so tired and who volunteered for the campaign when all I did was waffle (last time I knocked on doors was to sell Girl Scout cookies), I’ll do this – if you live in Wisconsin, vote today. If you live in Ohio and Texas, vote in two weeks. It’s good and it’s good for you.

 

Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to present a far more pressing issue to the committee. This is our dear friend, Garbage Squirrel. Garbage Squirrel, meet the internet –

Garbage Squirrel

 

 

Garbage Squirrel is one of several Garbage Squirrels who live high off the hog by chewing squirrel-shaped holes through the squirrel-proof lids of our dumpsters. In this picture, he is seated on the fence that runs the length of the south end of our building’s property. It serves as a squirrel commuter lane, running between our dumpsters and the fruit-tree filled backyard of the Hasidic family that lives next door.** Life is awesome if you’re a Garbage Squirrel! Chinese food and fresh apples! Pizza crusts and a pear tree with a view! Children who are too joyless to chase you and college students throwing away potato chips!

 

Go back up to that picture for a second, please.

 

I’m sorry about the photo quality, but look closely.

 

Garbage Squirrel, much beloved around these parts, is wearing a tiny, blue kitten collar. I noticed this about a week ago and Dave, after doubting me (“Are you sure it isn’t just a piece of paper or something?”), finally got photographic evidence of this anomaly yesterday afternoon. A number of questions spring, irresistibly, to mind –

 

1. Who did this to Garbage Squirrel?

2. Why?

 

But, really, most importantly –

 

3. How? How on earth do you get a feral, extremely skittish squirrel to hold still long enough to fasten a tiny collar around his neck? Do you drug him? Do you slowly win his trust with peanuts and stale Bugles? Do you (as Dave suggested, assuming that our culprit is an enterprising Zoology student) get him high?

 

We want answers. We discussed making a sign and posting it around the neighborhood. It would include this photograph and the following message – “How did you do this? We cannot go on unless we know. Please contact CollaredSquirrel-at-yahoo.com”

 

It should be noted that we are currently 30-40 inches above the average snowfall for Milwaukee, that very little of it has melted since last month, and that we have already cleaned out the closets, planned the meals for the week, cannot possibly watch another moment of television, and read 2-3 hours a day (I could go longer, but I’m not the intellectual giant who insists on reading Pynchon). Garbage Squirrel is all we have left. The parakeets won’t let us put them in little outfits.

 

 

 

* – An aside – Senator Clinton – where’s the love? I’m a sucker, holla at your girl!

** – Their children play the saddest games of catch I have ever seen. Their sad little baseball rolled in front of me once when I was walking down our driveway, so I picked it up and tossed it back. The oldest boy caught it as if I had licked it before throwing it back to him.

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Written by Raina

February 19, 2008 at 3:27 pm

2 Responses

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  1. i always vote! it is this gal i live with/make a lifetime commitment to that has needed convincing.

    and two years later she gets pissed off about political things and always votes and i catch her reading more of the paper than she will admit she reads.

    yay!

    blythe!

    February 29, 2008 at 11:36 am

  2. ps –
    i never heard that story about you and dad. hilarious. 😀

    blythe!

    February 29, 2008 at 11:38 am


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